The Way I Used to Be | Teen Ink

The Way I Used to Be

December 13, 2018
By emmaastewartt BRONZE, Turlock, California
emmaastewartt BRONZE, Turlock, California
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Touching story of a young girl's life throughout high school after being raped by her brother's best friend, Kevin.


The story starts off with the main character, Eden (Edy) McCrorey in 8th grade, going into highschool.  It starts with the scene which changed her life forever. The horrifying scene. Eden was an innocent, good, and young girl.  After this, her life was completely turned upside-down. She goes into highschool thinking her life will perhaps get better or that she will find herself, but that is the exact opposite of how the story turns out.  Edy's brother Caelin, who was her best friend is off to college right as she starts high school, so she never really has anyone to talk to besides her other best friend, Mara. Although, she doesn't come to telling anyone about the horrible things that happened to her.  Every time she gains enough courage to tell someone, she's silenced by her mind and insecurity.  She goes through ups and downs throughout her freshman year.  She grows emotional but doesn't express it much because inside she just feels so "empty" as she says multiple times throughout the book.  Although her feelings are overpowering, she remains nerdy, innocent, and quiet Edy. Sophomore year is when she falls in love with a senior named Josh. She wants to love him but can't seem to figure out how because of the horrible things that have happened to her.  She can’t seem to love anyone or anything.  After much hesitation, she nearly forces herself because of the trauma, to have sex with him, which becomes a regular thing for the two.  Josh is a genuine and kind guy who respects her and her time, but Edy continues to lie about herself and to reject his kindness because she almost doesn't know what it is to love.  There's a time during part two where she comes close to telling Josh about her deep, dark secret.  She immediately rejects the idea.  Shortly after Edy participated in sexual activities with Josh, she is bullied.  Names like "slut" are written in each bathroom which tears her apart even more.  Eventually her and Josh split because she gains this emotional toughness which causes her to say extremely harsh things.  She never sees him again. She grows more and more lost. Junior year comes around and she begins to fall into lots of drugs, alcohol, and even sex with multiple people, people she doesn't even know.  She says it's to find herself.  Her and Mara remain close and because Mara is driving now, she is constantly out of the house and loses connection with her family.  The two girls get into trouble with each other but have fun doing it.  Edy remains quiet and lost.  When senior year comes, is when she hits rock bottom.  Her drug, sex, and alcohol "fun" become addictions and she loses relationships even with her family.  She loses Mara when Mara tells her that she's "hard to be around."  Edy begins to miss Josh and the feeling he gave her and even tries to call him again, before hanging up over and over again.  She begins to need someone even when she thought what she needed was no one.  One morning, she wakes up to the sound of Caelin crying.  When she asks him what's wrong he tells her that Kevin had been accused of rape on his ex girlfriend.  When Edy hears this she is in disbelief.  Although Caelin repeatedly says he knows it's not true, Edy knows what Kevin is capable of, she knows the truth.  Ironically, officers come to their door moments after.  They ask questions about sexual assault and Kevin, specifically to Edy.  All are confused when they hear these questions except her.  When she is asked if he had engaged in sexual assault with her, she struggles to find the words.  She is stuck and doesn't know what to say.  She struggles to utter the words that have been bottled up inside her for four years...


The author's comments:

Before reading this book, I thought it would be just another depressing story.  As I started reading, I could not put it down. it was something about the book that made me feel as if I was there and extremely passionate about the events that occured in the book.  There were even segments I would read that would make me put the book down, to process what I had just read, in disbelief. It pains me to think that although this story is realistic fiction, it it real and these things do happen to people.  Although it was painful to watch Edy reject people, love, everything around her, and to experience her overall downfall, it was an extremely touching book that never left my mind. It also showed me what one thing like what happened to her, can do to someone.  How it can make them hate everything around them because of their love, feelings, and character being taken away from them. Overall, one of the best books I've ever read and an extremely heart-wrenching and touching book as well.


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