I need help today
Tomorrow
Yesterday
And on the day after
Farther and farther
Off onto eternity
For
Everyday
I see you
Smile
Simply
At me
A sun lights up the sky in lemon yellow glee
And again
In the hallway
Dirty gray clouds retreat
To reveal a bright blue
Snowing butterflies and flowers

My dreams are filled with

Friends and rainbows
Replacing the fear that
Once
Resided
There
And i wake to a new dawn
I will see you today!

You spoke to me today
Stiff and awkward
Not at all what i expected
But I had heard
your voice before
Of course
You said
“Hi”
And then my name
You know my name!
I never realized
I guess
That you see me too

Last night,
In my dreams,
We had ice cream
I want to tell you
We ate Ice cream!
I realize you might not even like it
I know very little about you.
Only you
Your eyes and your blond brown hair
Your name
Your smile

You asked me about homework today
I giggled
Silly i replied
I have done homework opon homework
For years and years
And my parents don’t care
Well
Not anymore
My downcast eyes tell you all you need to know

The fear returns tonight
Simmering
Under the happy bunny puppy dreams
Boiling over
Melting
Oozing over my carefully crafted cheerfulness
The radiator I sleep next to every night
seems to sense my distress
She hums in a calming lullaby
Rocking me to sleep
 
You tell me your stories
Someone pushed you down the stairs
He will miss his homework today
And the next
And the next
And the next

You read me books in the library
Charlotte's web
One and only, Ivan
Wonder
Flora & ulysses
Stories, stories, stories
The exact sound of gold

You are not here today
I am worried
Memories of red
My red
Spilt on white linoleum
And oh
Oh Does my head ever hurt

I don’t remember much from yesterday
You were not here
You ask what assignments you missed
I check over your face
For signs of pain
Or trouble
You say a cold

Yes a cold
Flu
Stomach bug
Many many excuses
To excuse the inexcusable
To figure how to hide the new scars

Flashes of blood
Him
Him
Him.

Deep punctuated gasps
He went to far
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
Breath?

The Radiator Hummmmms
I float
Pail as ever
My translucent skin a poor shield from the cold
It permeates in the spot
I believe to be my soul
Under my coat
In the hole
His knife cut into my lung
Forcing me
To live Like this-no
This is not life
I would find him
End him but
I would miss you
I don’t know how
You can see me but
You do
And
Because of that
Well
…
I love you