bare

Whoops. There it goes again.
Another normal looking boy wearing Nike socks.
Now, a boy for me to admire, never touch.
Never touch.
Simply watch.
Watch as my heart gets broken again and again by a goofy smile
and messy hair
and the same god damn sense of humor over and over again.
Feel myself giving up on you, slowly,
But never slow enough.
I want to remember the way that your hands felt
The one time that ours met before you quickly recovered,
“No homo.”
For me?
Yes, yes f***ing homo.
Please homo.
Look me in the eyes and
Feel uncomfortable.
Know you are no longer
The most powerful person in the room
Know that for one second
Your masculinity is challenged
By the quiet boy who you never could’ve imagine
Would be picturing you naked

recollection

I don’t remember falling in love with you
I just remember looking into your eyes
And suddenly realizing
I would never see them the same way

I just remember
Realizing how badly
I wanted to hold your hand

I just remember
Noticing your smile
And all of its perfect imperfections

I remember
Your outfits
And your hair
And the smell of your house

Of course I remember you
I just don’t remember me
Before you

sunflowers

In the wild, sunflowers must grow with their petals open towards the sun in order to receive the proper amount of nutrients to survive. If one grows facing the wrong direction, it will inevitably die. This fact of nature can teach humans an important lesson about positivity.
  In our western society, sunflowers are one of the most romanticized flowers, second only to the rose. The rose, however, is often used as a metaphor for painful love as well. We teach our children to be careful of the thorns hiding upon the stem. Roses are presented as peace offerings but they are too often cast aside in the name of revenge or anger.
I believe our world is full of roses. Most people, including you and I, are roses. The challenge then, is not only to withstand the thorns we are all teeming with, but also to find the sunflowers. The sunflowers are the hidden few among us who refuse to look anywhere except for the sun. The beautiful souls who manage to remain yellow and happy everyday without fail. Sunflowers do not wilt when exposed to heat. Instead, they channel their energy to grow taller, further outstretching their leaves and petals to create an even more breathtaking sight.
We may only come across a single sunflower in our lives. We may hope and pray and romanticize the idea of following in love among them, but to truly come into contact with one is incredible. As long as the sunflowers are standing, the bees and the ladybirds continue to fly. As long as they grow, we have things to seek out, things we one day hope to find ourselves surrounded by.  As long as the sunflowers live, so does our light, our golden beauty that so many of us cannot stand to look at for long.
And so I take this moment to thank you, the sunflowers in my own life. Thank you for leaving me so speechless and giving my eyes and ears a sight to behold everyday. May you never loose sight of the sun. You are so beautiful. No matter how much I may blunt my thorns, your petals will remain the softest things in the world. Sun-kissed and golden, you are a work of art I didn’t have to purchase. I should’ve paid for you. Nothing in life this beautiful is ever this free.

once

My skin, so soft, never before been scarred
or even
touched.
My eyes, bright , so unaware of how soon they will
fill
with tears.
My hair, imperfect, not used to having to be
good enough
for you.
My heart, big, has not shrunk yet because it still has
hope.
Hope to meet you
Hope to say goodbye.
Hope to feel your hands
just once.

 
no
Of course you are beautiful, why do you think I hate you so much?
I cannot have you.
You are
a poisoned apple,
a rose with thorns.
And me?
I am a glass pane
waiting to be shattered.
I will only be shards upon your departure.