One, I have selfharmed. I have scars that were self inflicted due to what I have been called, due to what I have made myself think what was wrong but was actually right. I covered this body in mistakes that I cannot take back.

Two, I have made myself sick to the point of pushing everything I have just eaten back up. It's not a daily thing so it must be okay.

Three, I believe that if it's not a daily thing, than it's okay.

Four, I have been pressured. Pressured to make myself perfect. To make myself just another clone, another person in a world of many.

Five, I would rather be completely empty than half full. I would rather be freezing cold in a boiling hot room. I would rather have a stomach ulcer or hear my stomach growl throughout the day than have my stomach poke out from being full.

Six, my anxiety is another person that cause my pain by making me over think anything that I have ever done and that I will ever do in the future. I can have an anxiety attack within, 0.2 seconds, usually when someone says a word a certain way or when someone looks at me in a weird way.

Seven, this body doesn't even belong to me. It belongs to the boy who will take my virginity. It belongs to every man after including my future husband. This body belongs to every man that will ever harass, cat call, or violate me physically and emotionally.

Eight, I write poems on every mistake I have ever made, and stories with each character representing each mental struggle I have ever had.

Nine, I let my mental illnesses takeover my life. My anxiety makes me second guess on every decision I have ever made. My depression makes me careless and that's something that I shouldn't be. My parania will make me hide myself from the world, and fear that everyone is trying to kill me.

Ten, I sit here and write this, the only thing that I can think about is the disappointment in my mother's face if she were ever to find this.