I would love to be as bold as I dress.
I fear I’ll slip back into my childhood,
Back into the loneliness of anxiety and death.

There is no land line in a mine field
There is no right way to talk

I want to pull, pull,
Pull myself up.
To be on your level.
To see you eye to eye.

Fear of rejection suffocates me and
Pushes me down, down,
Down to the ground.
Mud chokes me,
But the mud is just my own insecurity.

I’d love to be like how you seem.
How you are on the outside.
The smiles
The confidence
The embrace.

But I am my own prisoner and I feel a million miles away.