Math is a dangerous thing
Because numbers mean something to people nowadays
They twist and turn the funny symbols around
Just to make them label someone's
Body
"Skinny mini" my mom used to call me
Although it wasn't an insult,
It was a nickname to declare that I was skinnier than the rest
And many girls would kill to have this body
But I would kill to get rid of it
In fact I've tried
And people have asked me
"How are you so skinny"
And I'd simply say that I didn't know
Mainly because that was true
And partly because I didn't want more unnecessary details
About how I'm boney
And flat
And just a sheet of skin
Covering up some structure
That doesn't fit any clothes these days
Without them sagging around my waist
Or them falling off my shoulders
Or them slipping off my feet
Layers and layers create a blanket on top of my body
Because I want some kind of curve like the others
And to appear to be as developed at the rest
I'm a size 2, wishing I could learn to do the so called
"Simple math"
And multiply
28A is how boys define me
And any kind of lower curves are absent
Which just fuels the jokes
"Are you anorexic"
No, I am not
In fact I eat more than I should
But nothing seems to be working
And now
I feel bad
Because there are people who wish they could eat like me
So I stop
And therefore minimal proportions are what I focus on
And just a few bites is what I request
But that leads to more questions and comments on my plate instead of the food I should be eating
"Are you okay"
"You need to eat more"
"That's not healthy"
"But you aren't taking care of yourself"
But my body
My body
Selfish to think, but I just can't lose weight even if I wanted to
Physically
And emotionally
I do not have any kind of eating disorder
And I mean it when I say that
But the numbers are too much, though they add up to nothing in my case
And the symbols
That we somehow convinced people that they have some kind of meaning
That they have the control over our lives
And the math
It's all too dangerous