death is a huge problem, I can't get it off my mind, it scares me so much
it is my biggest fear, which is stupid because I can't evoid it, like you can ignore other fears like hights or the dark but you can't ignore death, it is right there waiting for you
and it happens either you are expecting it or nah, you can't prepare death I mean that would be stupid
I guess that's why it scares me, jk, it scares me in lots of ways
like you never know when it's gonna happen, you don't know what happens next, you don't know what it feels like and you don't know how the people that surrounded you are going to feel
it is the source of so many questions that have no awnser
i know what I fear, I fear the unknown, ''just'' that, that is my biggest fear
it's amazeballs how there is so many tecnology nowadays and they don't know nothing about death
and when you really get into it it feels like you're entering this giant black hole that has no end
then I look at myself and I'm like, wow, this is me, I'm growing, I'm dying and this will all end soon
it just really gets me down because only then I realise that I have a beautiful life, and that I really need to stop complaining and live more because one day I'm not gonna be able to
i'm gonna leave everyone i have right now, and I don't want to, i can't
that would be so, man i can't even describe it, these people are way too important for me
ik I'm only 14 yet I feel that they are my future
I feel like they will make or break my day when I'm sick of working you know
and if they are here now I don't them to be there when I'm dying
because if i have to lose them when I die I'd rather not have them
I rather evoid their pain because of mine
see that's the irony, you have no feeling, you are dead but everyone you love is hurting because of you
that's so unfair, and then I'm just like ''way to go, now everyone is tumbling down because of me''
now we feel that we have nothing but we will end up losing everything
that's why suicide bothers me so much
how can someone be so selfish, like, people need you, they care, even tho they don't show it
and where do they get the courage to steel their own life
you're taking everything away from you, don't you see that?
this is not a movie, you're not gonna have a happy ending if you throw yourself of a bridge
I mean just think about it for a second or two
look what they could've done if they weren't blind
literally blind because I can tell when somebody cares without talking to them
and don't say there was no one because there is always someone even if you don't know
i know this perspective is hurtful but that's just what I feel about it