Haven't I changed? My voice deeper but still confused with age. My cheeks steeper at the edges of my face. My hair wilder in light coils atop my head. My eyes uneven looking straight into the dead. My nose wide breathing in big puffs of air. My skin brown as the fur of a Kodiak bear. Don't you see I have changed so much? But don't you also know that my heart changed when I shot it? I used to confuse friendship for love, hatred for trust. I used to speak my pain when depression crashed with a bus and I believed in lust. My image was breaking down and those who willingly reached into the open cracks took their axe to mine in my field of precious pansies. The answers to their every possible question would return to embarrass me. I used to compose myself of secrets hoping I could be perfection and hoping I could seem together even when I was broken; only, I broke and all of my safety was taken. I feared constantly that I would be labeled as an outsider stuck in the dark who doesn't know his own place. An invader parading around to prove he's a disgrace and it was hard to chase that feeling away. I felt as if I were slipping away from being human. My goal for perfection began falling too far short and I could not bear to imagine seeing such a report. I decided it would be better for me to disappear and I was sure I would end my years. Yet I ended up remaining in a long fight with myself to be here. I had to go through therapy and feeling crazy because of the fear of losing everything that I thought was life and after, I would realize that I was not right. I changed. Once, I was bright, and I burnt out my bulb. Now, I remain dim and quiet, but I still dare be bold. I changed surely from warm to cold and from steel to gold. But this is a transition your mind can't hold.