After Billy Collins’ “On Turning Ten”

The whole idea of it makes me feel
Like my head is going to explode
Something worse than last-minute studying
Or a jumble of different thoughts, all in one
a quiet reminder of things that have yet to be done--
a misplaced glasses case
a messy desk
a reminder to finish the essay due tomorrow.

You tell me that I cannot eat too many Skittles
but that is because you care about my health,
Possibly even more than I do
And I’m so caught up
with my sweet tooth
That I cease to realize
what is really happening
I am being controlled.
I am the puppet to the puppeteer,
The character to the player.
I am being controlled by my own mind,
begging for one more bite
Then another
And another.
And I listen.

But now I am constantly at a fork in the road.
Should I try just one?
Two?
Three and done?
It won’t harm me… right?
I snap out of my thought and think
This cannot be the answer.
There must be something yummy AND healthy...
This is the beginning of insanity,
the beginning of addiction,
I say to myself as I think of what you said:
don’t eat too many Skittles.
it’s time to change my ways,
time to change my foolish habits.

It seems like only yesterday I used to believe
That Skittles would not hurt me.
But now I realize that it is biting, crunching, making me bleed out without me noticing.
And I will stop this madness, I will stop eating Skittles
And start a new me; a new, healthy me with none of that,
But maybe a tootsie roll or two.