Looking For Attention | Teen Ink

Looking For Attention

November 23, 2016
By Fantasiea BRONZE, South Jordan, Utah
Fantasiea BRONZE, South Jordan, Utah
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I'm smart. I know I am.

I reached a college-level Lexile score in 8th grade.

But I can't do homework.

I try and I try but I can't.

Focus is fleeting. Concentration is a hummingbird, flitting from topic to topic as I chase it with the pathetic dollar-store butterfly net of grades.

I hear so much, but listening is a constant struggle that becomes a full on battle in the classroom.

I tell my parents that it's all the noise and movement around me, even though that's not the whole problem, because they're more willing to accept that than when I tell them it's all in my mind,

That there is a door into the room that is my brain, that all the people milling around the room are thoughts, and you're forcing me to try to hold a conversation with someone with less personality than a rock, when all around me are bright, shiny new people desperate to regale me with stories I can't wait to write.

I beg my mother to understand,

To actually listen for once.

Mom! I'm almost certain I have ADD

I need help!

"Sam, go do your homework. You're just looking for attention."

 

Exactly. Do you know where I can find some? If you haven't noticed, I'm somewhat lacking in that department.

It's impossible to pay attention when I'm bankrupt.

You don't understand; I'm not trying to use this deficiency as an excuse, but rather a desperate plea for help.

Do I need to light a flare for someone to finally realize I need to be rescued?

 

I'm smart. I know I am.

I likely have the most extensive vocabulary in my school; I'm at least in the top ten.

But I can't do homework.

Because I'm still looking for attention.


The author's comments:

Ever since 7th grade, I have had more missing and late assignments than I can count, because I could not, for the life of me, focus for long enough to do my homework. It was never just procrastination or laziness (though, admittedly, I struggle with that as well). I just kept getting distracted by my own thoughts. It became such a problem that I started researching Attention Deficit Disorder. As it turned out, I showed most, if not all, of the symptoms, and shared experiences with people who have been diagnosed. I told my mom, who brushed it off as an excuse not to do homework. Later, at an annual checkup, I told my doctor about it, and said to my mom, "I don't usually suggest meds, but since it's affecting [my] schoolwork, it might be something to look into." My mom still didn't take action. She still hasn't.


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