One

Love is not letting someone define you.
Love is not the image he tries to turn you into
because it suits his personal preference.
Love is not nine texts and three missed calls
because you’re out with your friends and
He wants you by his side.
Love is not hopelessly trying to justify his yelling
And threatening messages
With the same tired, pitiful, phrase
“It’s only because he cares.”

Two
He doesn’t care.
This is not how someone who loves and cares for you
treats your wellbeing.
He cares about his ego -having you at his disposal.
Do you resign yourself to the fact that things are meant to be this way?
Don’t.

Three
When you’re young, it seems your forget that you have everything ahead of you.
You struggle to “make it work.”
And how discontenting is that?
Full of youth, your journey just beginning
And here you are.
Doing anything to keep this
trial run of a first relationship going.
And why do you do that?
Is it because you feel no one will feel this way about you again?
Is it because you’ve convinced yourself
that this feeling of “love” you had, only comes around once?
Pray that you are right.
Pray to never again feel the “love” of knuckles on your face,
as penance for smiling at a male friend.
Pray to never again experience
The knot in your stomach
When you know he’s having a bad night
And you hope he doesn’t take it out on you
Again.
This is the feeling you will miss?

Four
I know you’re filled with denial
Clenching your fists
Convincing yourself
He loves me
But you know
The pieces of you he takes
Each time you must hold your tongue
So he won’t lose his temper
Over your irrelevant opinions.
You know
When he calls you to come over
With a moments notice
It isn’t really an option
Because he feels
There shouldn’t be anything more important
Than time spent with him.
Worst of all
You know this isn’t who you are
You wonder how you got here.

Five
It isn’t too late for you.
Stop aspiring to be his
Or anyone’s
“Girl.”
Aspire instead to be someone
Someone worth knowing.
Don’t wait for your knight in shining armor
Save yourself.
Then before you try to love anyone else
Love yourself.
Because you need someone to love you
For the best version of yourself.
Not someone else’s version
Of you.
You are here
You are important.
Don’t wait for your better half
Be whole
All on your own.
Be better
But for yourself.
Fall in love
With the idea of loving yourself.