We have these nicknames for each other and it just shows how good of friends we are. Let me say it again how good of friends we are. That 7 letter word, friends. Friends i repeat to myself while looking into the mirror with tears running down my cheek. But he told me i'm beautiful and the kinda girl any guy would want to date, friends dont do that do they? Friends i repeat to myself again when i look him in the eyes, he had beautiful eyes you know the kind you could get lost in and you know i guess i did. It's unexplainable the way i feel about him, its like im drowning and hes the water but somehow he's the air that i need to breathe and i'll never understand. But were just friends you know, we're not dating but still loving him is the most exquisite form of self destruction. But friends they love you at your worse, but him he loved me when i couldn't love myself. Then i realised that  i was in love because home went from a place to being him. But isn't that what friends are for? Aren't they suppose to be your home, your rock, your shelter, your family? So he's just a friend i repeat again and again. He will always be just a friend i drill those words into my head but you can't close your heart to stop the things you feel. He had seen everything and he knew everything. I showed him my true colours and he never tried to repaint them. But what if he can't cope with everything i believe and everything i feel. What if he like storms, but if i let him in and he can't deal with a little rain and i'm a hurricane. Does he already know all of this and still accept me for it. Well of course we're friends. That's what friends do, they accept you. But i'm just a friend to him. I'm the friend he talks about his girlfriend to. He tells me how beautiful she is and how much he loves her. And i fell for it, i thought if i talked to him about her i would still get to talk to him for hours. I hadn't realised i had trapped myself listening to him admiring the beauty of another girl and i couldn't help but question my own. Friends i scream in my empty room hoping the echo will force me to understand that's all we are. Friend, that's what i tell everyone when they see me talking to him or looking at a picture of us together and ask who he is. Him, i've spent hour contemplating the words to say to you but no combination of 26 letters could capture even a sliver of what this feeling is. I wanted to stop talking to him, but i couldn't. I wanted to say goodbye but i just f***ing couldn't. All we ever talked about was her and i always listened because i knew it would keep him around. But deep down i knew he would never choose me in the end. I was just the female bro. Always in the friend zone. And it hurts and it's always gonna hurt. Its gonna hurt because it mattered, because he matters to me. But me and him were just like dominoes i fall for him and he falls for another. And in a room full of people i would search for him but it would seem that he was just looking for someone else. But the most ironic thing of all is the fact that he is my sunshine, but he is also my darkness, he is my joy, yet he is also my tears. he is my dreams, yet he is also my fears. Him,  my love he's the cure, but he is also the disease. Funny how he's the one that fixes me when i'm shattered; yet he is also the one who breaks me each and everytime. But we'll just be friends. Just the 7 letter word that makes you popular of facebook. Just the 7 letter word that you have so many memories with. Just that 7 letter word that you do everything with. Just that seven letter word that know everything about you. That 7 letter word that makes you feel on top of the world. But now i'm scared, what if that's all you'll ever be? Just a 7 letter word. That's it. 7 letters that killed me but kept me alive. 7 letters that made me feel i'm not enough. 7 letters,  all it takes is 7 letters. They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, i disagree. Every word but Friends. Because friends doesn't just hurt me it kills me.