One

You know that feeling you get when you just want to sleep forever, that’s how I feel. That empty feeling like no one in the world cares about you and that it’s you against the world? It’s called being lonely and everyone has felt it before even the people who have the most in life.

Two

Do you ever just want to run away? Just disappear for one day and not have to worry about a thing, sounds like a dream doesn’t it? I can’t help wondering, would someone miss me if I were to just vanish into thin air. Who would care? No one right because you’re all alone in this vast world. 10 million people out there but no one’s listening.

Three

My parents were fighting again today. The usual stuff, “He doesn’t love me.” and “Why don’t you leave.” This is my life, the constant battle of self pity and remorse. This house is broken, but why can’t anyone notice. It’s because they don’t understand how it feels. It’s hard to never know when the glass will shatter

Four

Distance. That’s what’s becoming of me and my friends. They are drifting further from my grasp, but am I really stopping them. They don’t understand what goes on in this mind. They are better off without me, everyone is.

Five

Unwanted, that’s another word to add to my body. My parents just think I’m a waste of space in this house. I’m sorry I can’t be like my sister, it’s hard right now. They don’t understand what true sadness is. They don’t even care.

Six

I was told today that I’m always smiling. Well that’s good at least I’m good at hiding it. I can’t remember the last time my smile was real, it must have been weeks ago.

Seven

Loudness, that’s all I hear when my music is playing. It keeps my thoughts away from me, those evil monsters trying to pry their way into the mind of the hopeless. They feed on the weaknesses of others. If they would just listen to the words, maybe they would get a glimpse of this life.

Eight

Silence. It’s suffocating and it’s all I’ve been getting from my friends for the past week. I guess they finally realized that I’m messed up. Who wants a friend who isn’t always happy? Maybe disappearing isn’t that bad after all, it would make the world around me happier.

Nine

I cried myself to sleep again last night. The darkness, it’s so loud at night. You can’t escape it and it waits there for you each night because you can’t hide from the monster. It’s hungry it hasn’t fed all day. And today it’s having a feast. People at school were snickering behind my back today, when I got home it wasn’t any better just more yelling.

Ten

Static, yelling, darkness. It’s becoming too much.

Eleven

11:11 I wish for a new beginning a way out of the bottomless pit.

Twelve

I planned my funeral today, I want everyone to wear black with beautiful flowered lea’s. If anyone shows up, would anyone even shed a tear.

Thirteen

I’m sorry for not being the perfect daughter. I can’t do anything right.

Fourteen

I’m sorry for being so distance with you, I wanted to tell you but the words felt like acid on my tongue. I just couldn’t get them out.

Fifteen

Ugly, worthless, fat. Don’t you realize those words hurt people, I get it though, you don’t want to look at me. Choose your words wisely they can cut like a blade on fresh skin, bright red seeping out onto the white carpet. It hasn’t been spotted yet, it’s been building up for too long.

Sixteen

Why are you crying? It’s better up here, I’m still watching over you. I’m okay now, nothing can harm me anymore.

Seventeen

I have my smile back now, you know the one that shows my dimple and crinkles my now bright blue eyes. I don’t think any of you care anymore, but that’s okay it’s been two years.

Eighteen

It’s graduation day, you guys made it. I wish I could’ve been there with you guys, I wanted to but they thought it wasn’t the best idea. Congrats, on the acceptance into Madison and Whitewater. You guys really deserved it.

Nineteen

I’m so proud of my sister, she made it through high school. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to help you through High School. I really wanted to be there, I know how harsh they can be. I’m happy you got the internship to that record label down in L.A. you’re gonna be very successful.

Twenty

Twenty years since that day. They talk about me at the class reunions, they talk about how much words can hurt and they have a moment of silence. They don’t get it though, the people who said such cruel things, they feel bad, but it can’t change anything anymore.

Twenty-one

I see you found my mixtape Mum, did you hear the lyrics? I picked them specifically so that you could know my story, please play it again and listen to my unsaid words.

Twenty-two

Do you understand now? How bad it feels to be alone. No one wants to feel this way, it’s not fun to have no one there but the monsters waiting at the end of the tunnel. But you can stay strong, you can do it. I promise, I can help you through it. It’s not that hard, it may not be easy but it’s worth it. People do care, they just don’t know until it’s too late.