Sobs choke, tears flood
I walk into the church, bracing myself for what is to come
Keep yourself together, no one can see you sad

Hugs exchanged, hands squeezed
"I'm sorry for your loss" becomes a mantra
    until it becomes meaningless to my ears
What use are words at a time like this?
Words can't bring him back

Pictures on a table, smiling, unaware
    He's in every one of them
I see his baseball uniform on the table
Breath stops
I can't... he won't

I'm okay, I'm okay
I'll only hurt them more if I cry
Walk through the crowd
I allow a few tears to not seem apathetic

The procession starts
They wheel in the coffin
Shuddering, gasping sobs
My cousin, reduced to a body in a wooden box
It can't be

The flood starts, unstoppable, uncontrolled
I keep my sobs deep in my chest
I'll only hurt them more if I let it show
The struggle is silent, stifling
I listen to the music, the words not registering
The sermon, meaningless to my ears

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."
I walk by his coffin
I'm too close, it's too much
I half run out of the church

The sobs come fast, hard, choking
She follows me out of the church
Tears in black streaks down her face
We embrace, clinging to each other
    like we'll break if we let go

"He deserved so much better."
No, he deserved more
Twenty-two years is not enough, it's never enough

He won't lift up my sister to the ceiling again
He won't hug me tightly
He won't crack a joke
He won't throw a pitch
He won't mix music
He won't eat every pasta noodle in the bowl
He won't graduate college
He won't get married, have kids
He won't see me grow up

I never got to say goodbye
He slipped through the cracks of my awareness
    late at night
Gone in the morning after, unresponsive in his apartment

They say things happen for a reason
But what reason was there to take him away at twenty-two?
Where was the justice in that?
Why?

His time ticked, his clock stopped
Mine goes on, and will outlast his
His minutes were limited
    so are mine
So are all of ours

I wish I could say goodbye
I wish I could tell him he was loved

But I can't

I can do this
I can do this for other people

I may never meet you
I may never get coffee with you
I may never tell stupid jokes with you or cry with you
But I will tell you one thing

You are loved
No matter how much pain you are in
    you keep fighting
No matter how many people tell you otherwise
    you are worth it
No matter how bad things may seem
    it is temporary

No amount of pain
    is worth the silence of your voice
Take your pain and do something with it
    you are powerful

Our clocks are ticking indefinitely
What will you do with the time he didn't have?
The time a lot of us probably won't have?
What can you do?

What will you do?