I put on my glasses, prescription still wrong

And I wonder just when I chose to become strong.

Maybe burying feelings is my way to hide

From the hopeless confusion that’s stolen my life.

What do I really want? What do I still enjoy?

Is there anything left that can fill up this void?

Every time I go out, I avoid people's stares

And I wonder if anyone sees, even cares

That I’m falling to pieces, I break down and weep,

That I’m restless but only have the strength to sleep.

But it’s four in the morning, and I’m still awake,

So again I’m left wondering what it will take

For somebody to notice my smile’s not real

Or the longing I have for the warmth I can’t feel

Or that I’m slowly slipping, can’t hide all the cracks

In the innocent smile I’ve kept as a mask.

So has all of my pain somehow lead me to this?

I’m aware I’m still me, but don’t know who “me” is

And the darkness is blinding, it’s drawing me in,

As it chains me with memories and might have beens.

I just want to go back to before it began,

When love and affection meant something again,

When I knew how to speak and to meet people’s eyes,

Back before personality turned to disguise,

When I could make choices and not drown in fear

That I’d somehow hurt those few that I still held dear.

If the world is still blurry, I’ll just blame the glass

And I’ll brush off concern with a smile and laugh

So no one will notice the tears I can’t cry

Or the misery that I’m still keeping inside

If I fake long enough, maybe it’ll be true;

Maybe someday the pain will simply pass on through.

But if not, I’ll keep forcing the feelings on down

And I won’t tell a soul of my fears and my doubts.

I won’t say that I’m craving the warmth of a touch

Or that I still feel like I’ll never be enough,

That I look in the mirror and I nearly break,

That I never get over the smallest heartache,

That I don’t think I can handle being alone,

But I can’t force myself to just pick up the phone,

For the space I take up is already too wide;
I don’t want to intrude even more on their lives.