chapter 1
boys with pretty minds that u want to crawl inside aren't fascinated by girls with bloody teeth who wear crowns made up of thorns. i want to be special like u are. u are the sun burning bright.

chapter 2
i'll kiss you in my dreams where i know my teeth don't grind as much.
choke me with the hands that touch my knees with such tenderness i think i'll explode.
show me how, like leaves, we change with time.

chapter 3
i want to be your martyr so i can die knowing i lived for something great.
i dreamt about you again last night.

chapter 4
just in case you were wondering i'm still in love with you and it feels like stabbing a thousand shards of glass into my ribcage and
just in case you were wondering god wants me to stop texting you.

chapter 5
i imagine us as romeo and juliet, killing ourselves in the name of self preservation.
yet, violence does not feel like love anymore.
i remind myself i was born ripped from the chest of my male counterpart.
when i weep i remember i am weeping for two.

chapter 6
i'll fall in love with my own sadness until i drown myself in tears and acid that i drink to forget how i'll never be your first choice.
you’re clueless and i still believe in the tooth fairy. maybe one day the blood will stop falling from my teeth into your hands.

chapter 7
i'm having another heart attack and it's always for you. every time i pick at my skin it is to show you how deeply i am in love with you. I want to peel my skin piece by piece and mail it to your childhood home. I will give you all of me until I have disappeared.

chapter 8
when you grip my wrists i feel the weight your mother felt the first time you cried yourself to sleep.
you will hold a knife to my throat and call it love and i will believe you.

chapter 9
i'm not supposed write about you anymore. i'm not supposed to play therapist with my friends until i try and purge your face from my mind late at night. your voice consumes me and i like it. i am an encyclopedia of bad ideas and you are my knife.
i'm waiting for volcanoes to explode and earthquakes and tsunamis to wreck my world but instead it's you, a boy with blue eyes and an erratic pulse, four stories high with electric skin.

chapter 10: isn’t tomorrow a pleasant color?
my heart attacks come less hurried now
they are slow like a low tide.
the cyclical way my life moves spins on;
i imagine you invented the wheel in a past life.
you said you didn’t listen to what other people say,
but that was when you treated me like milk and walked around eggshells because you knew i needed it. your words lost their softness slowly after.
i hope all the beautiful words that you didn’t deserve fed you the way you needed
but i will never write another word about how i looked at you like the sun
i gave up my health for a piece of your smile and you handed me a worn out handshake.
you changed.

chapter 11
real love tastes like strawberries and winter smells like snow
meanwhile; i boil the vinegar out of my veins and in doing so my fondness of you evaporates
i find it harder and harder to picture your face and i like the blurriness of your features just fine.
i only ever imagined you as a masterpiece

chapter 12
on october 13th you asked me if i loved you. i said no.
last week i wrote a poem and titled it “the last thing i will ever write about you.”
i guess i got into the habit of lying.