I am forced to live in a world
where I am considered unacceptable.
People make jokes about me all the time
without even realizing it.
All I can do is laugh along like nothings wrong,
because if I told them the truth,
I wouldn’t have friends anymore.

I am forced to listen to girls say
“I wish I had an eating disorder
because then I’d be skinny”
And as they laugh
all I want to do is scream all the terrible things
I’ve had to live with because of my anorexia.

I am forced to hear my friends say
that cutting is pointless,
all people do it for is attention.
No one should be allowed to say it’s dumb
until they know the amount of pain you have to be in
in order to bring that blade to your skin.

I am forced to hide my depression
be “so many people have it worse”.
And even though that’s true,
Depression isn’t something that goes away
with that one simple thought.

I am forced to have people tell me that they
“like had a panic attack”
But is that something they’ve truly experienced?
Were they shaking so bad that they couldn’t move?
Or was their heart beating so rapidly they thought
they might pass out?
Because it’s something I hope they never actually experience.

I am forced to hide
because society doesn’t view mental illness as
a real problem.
They try to hide us and say that what
we’re feeling is wrong.
Everyone laughs about the girl with the cuts,
instead of trying to help her.

When I say that I’m not hungry for lunch,
people say “What are you anorexic or something?”
instead of simply asking me
why

Why am I constantly shamed
for something I don’t even want
let alone have control over.
I am forced to pretend that everything is fine
while the voices in my head scream that I am
worthless.

But if I told everyone about my illness,
they would all say that I just want attention,
that I’m not skinny enough for an eating disorder,
not “sad” enough to be depressed,
and too calm to have anxiety.

Mental illness is real,
it surrounds us without even knowing.
We need to think about what we say,
and help those in need instead of shaming them.

And to all my silent soldiers out there,
Keep fighting,
You are worth it.