My fear is a parasite worming through my brain whispering "you are judged no one likes you everyone only pretends"

I walk down the streets my shoulders hunched my arms wrapped in front of my chest I must protect myself from the people who pass.

I am a mouse among cats a rabbit among foxes a deer among wolves. They are predators and I am prey all thanks to the black parasite worming its way through my brain.

They laugh at me that talk about me they are total strangers and yet in my mind they are huge and they are terrifying and I am as small as an ant in a sea of giants.

I loop the store so I do not have to get in line. My stomach tightens when I step up to order my drink raising my hand in class is torture even when I so want to say that yes I know asking an employee for help is out of the question because the parasite tells me "no"

I can't tell because I don't want to be looked at differently I don't want to be judged by my family I want to be treated the same and yet I want to tell someone about this parasite in my mind because I am so tired of being afraid for no reason.

"Look friendlier," they tell me, "uncross your arms straighten your shoulders stop staring at your feet" but I can't because my heart pounds and my stomach twists and I clench my hands into fists as I force a smile on my face as I am forced to exchange pleasantries with someone who the parasite tells me is judging me for everything I'm saying doing wearing.

I am tired of this parasite called social anxiety I am tired of this I am tired I am tired I am tired of being so irrationally afraid.