I’m trying to make it in life.
Through the heartbreaks of growing up, and broken promises,
all the lies and confusion of family, I am trying.
Life isn’t like a fairytale, all happy, but it’s much like a horror movie,
nobody knows how bad paranoia can get until they witness it.
Having a parent who suffers from it can make growing up impossible,
nobody knows what to believe,  what’s true.
While trying to achieve a degree and focus on the future,
I’m tied down like i’m chained up in a cell.
Tied down by the past and the present all at once.
Needing me, wanting me, depending on me.
The past-My mother-the future-My sister
all screaming at me to help
“why won't you stay”
“why won't you help”
I’m trying so hard to do good, i don’t want to let them down.
It’s just that everytime i'm there i get halted,
my life gets interrupted.
while life is moving on without me i’m conflicted.
Drowning in confusion,
their words filling my lungs, my dreams flooding my brain.
My head is telling me to continue the path I am pursuing,
get your degree, achieve your dreams!
My heart says don’t let them down, don’t leave them.
But i know i need to go so i can  live.
My head screams
“It’s not a good time!”
but my heart screams
“It’s never a good time.”
and I stay.