I know sounds bounce off buildings and skyscrapers trap it all in,
like running through a prairie
feeling the green blades whip your ankles.
I know
I failed the mile run in 4th grade
Because I couldn't get enough air to my chest.
I know that hearing the words
"I miss you" and "let's try again"
sends me racing,
A breath you can't catch.
I know a mile isn't so long
When you're being chased with a knife
Or by a boy who wanted more than his share.
I know bruised knees
When I trip over my own feet
Erase with time
And time always comes first in the race.
I know no ones ever loved me,
Not in that way.
Because there wasn't enough time
The date came too soon or not soon enough
Because "timing is a funny thing ain't it?"
I know they never meant no harm.
I know words fall empty
Like the shoes I could never fill.
I know the feeling of not being enough
Lingers longer
Than a hot iron burn
Brandished on my neck
Pinned like a hickey, a Scarlett letter on my breast.
I know sometimes being full leaves you hollow
And everything you wanted turns into a promise you can't follow through.
I know hellos are permanent
Painted in acrylics
Tear-resistant
Tear-resistant.
I know that Tuesday is when the garbage is taken out
And you can't get back what they throw in that truck,
I know it's hard to shred pictures
Of beach day trips
But it's easy to toss when it feels like
These kodaks are cutting you open.
I know that pain is temporary
Suffering is temporary
We're all just temporary.
I know that forever is a lie
And I was never good with the truth,
I know that forever is cut short
By little things
By insignificant trivial things
Like death
And "it's not going to work, I'm sorry it's you."
I know that we all want to feel
Like there's a purpose for opening our eyes each morning.
I know that sometimes it'll feel like
The only purpose is to fall on your bed at the end of the day, fall into nothing.
I know I don't know much
But some day I'll know more
after they abandon
They lie
They take from me.
I'll have what I know
Before and after they leave.
I will know this.