At night when the lights are out and I’m all alone
I dream
I let the darkness capture me in full force
Remembering the nights when all there was were screams in the air
Hearing the door shut at 5 am – before the sun and school bus
Feeling the tears collect behind my lids and dry into pain

Flash Forward five years and the darkness has grown
Its stronger now
Filling with memories of betrayal and fear
Re-watching her take my young pain and throw it back at me
Feeling the ice from when they shut me out again and again
The fear collecting into hate

Three years later...

I’m a mess, gone from searching for love in worthless s***s
And womanizers
Chasing freedom in a cup and the spark of a light
Letting people add to the darkness

Present day.
I look happy, surrounded by laughter and joy
But the darkness is stronger than ever
The pain, the fear, the running
-fueled its hunger
The happiness a facade, darkness lurks right below the surface
Always escaping and having to be reined in again
It no longer lives solely at night
Now, now it roams the day the whole world its toy

I am only darkness
Fueled by years of hidden sorrow