It’s so cute how you think you belong.
You believe you can compete; you are so very wrong.
You’re right about one thing – other schools can’t match us.
You haven’t proved anything; there’s nothing to discuss.

Your GPA is flawed, your ACT less than perfect
A merit scholar? Please. Try to keep some respect.
Those awards are all very nice, but they won’t get you in.
After all, one of our alumni now lives at 1600 Penn.

You wasted your time; that wasn’t enough.
That may have been your best, but it’s not up to snuff.
Everyone takes AP classes; you are no special.
Now quit wasting our time. Is there anyone here with real potential?

We don’t want you kid; we want the elite.
Perfect scores and perfect grades. You’re just incomplete.
Your dream will always be a dream. We just hope you can acknowledge
That jokes like you should stick to clown college.