I sit and wonder how I’m still alive

I shouldn’t be here today or any other time
Oh dear lord when will it be my time to die
I cry over and over again
As I sit on the ground next to a dead friend
She meant the world to me and now she is gone
She helped me through so much and
Without her I surely am done

I sit and wonder how I’m still alive
I can’t even come up with a good enough alibi
To make my life straight
To change things from bad to great
Its hard when your left all alone
Especially when there’s no one to call over the phone
And everyday that you go home
You come to find your dad drunk talking all alone

I sit and wonder how I’m still alive
I’m waiting to be dragged to hell I hope I’m not denied
I wish that you would notice that I tried
You only saw the bad in me so I died a bit inside
You told me it wouldn’t be like before and you lied
You try to talk to me and I will stay pushing you aside
Oh father believe me you aren’t the only one to try
You just put me through so much that I must give you my deny

I sit and wonder how I’m still alive
My life was going good then it blew a mile wide
Now I sit and hope I get Bona Fide
Maybe ill find someone that will die with me coincide
Maybe ill go shoot my self in the great divide
I hope I’m not stuck with Jekyll and Hyde
I’m going to write my problems and have them published nationwide
Hopefully I can get on top of  the upper side