You have seen what others have not

You have watched me in the middle of the night

experienced those things I have told no-one

                                     things no-one knows

Silent, as guards that will never leave their post

You watch me, observe, listen, hear

my broken cries in the dark

            cries I muffle in my pillow

Was it you who saw the pain on my face

the pleasure when I cut my wrist for the first time

excited with this new revelation

Was it you who saw my hand between my legs

the blood there, did you hear the lie I told my sister

that my cramps were so bad I could not get up

When in reality, I had to hide the dirty truth

And yes, it was you I punched repeatedly

threw radios and stuffed animals at

as if you were human...

My apologies

You've seen all the shameful moments in my life

You know more about me than I do myself

You have been a shelter, a box of four sides

You hold all the undiscovered secrets of my life

It's okay if you judge me

but don't tell