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Tunnels
August 19, 2015
Will you, Will you,
Walk through the dark tunnel with me?
Don’t need to be a flashlight,
Barbara.
‘Cause
You with your ballerina toes
And me with my penguin feet
Can just tread in the dark.
And it’s alright
If you can’t rid of the thousands
And thousands
Of question marks in my head.
Just help me go the tunnel,
My friend.
© Jaime M., Wichita Falls, TX
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 9 comments.
I really like the concept of this poem, and I really think it has a ton of potential. I especially like the part where you are comparing feet; it's a nice piece of imagery. I also like the line: "Don't need to be a flashlight, Barbara." It just gives the reader a sort of personal connection to you, the writer. However, if I can offer some friendly constructive criticism, the ending is a bit weak, and leaves the reader with a bunch of questions, which can be frustrating. I think you can definitely make this better with some minor tweaking. Overall though, great job with it, and never stop writing! :)
HammadWaseem said...
on Sep. 1 2015 at 7:37 am
Thats awesome! @Orabilis btw will you rate and comment on my teen ink video named "The Unbeatable Breakdancer"? :)
AnnaSharudenko BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2015 at 5:02 pm
I love it :)
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 30 2015 at 3:54 pm
Just because I'm nice, I'm dropping a comment ----------/:
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments