I don’t write poetry
Because there is nothing beautiful or poetic about an overworked teenager.
I don’t make rhymes and rhythms out of my problems
Because I don’t have time to think about them, much less write about them.
I don’t write metaphors or similes
Because if I take the time to say something, I want you to know exactly what I mean.
I do not write poetry
Because it is out of my comfort zone, and I have yet to accept that I have a comfort zone.
I pride myself on being able to do the things with which other people struggle,
Like speaking in front of people and making my opinions loud and known,
But the fact is, it’s easy to talk politics and state my opinions
And to stand here and say, “You should value yourself because you are worthy.”
But how dare I say that when I don’t value my own opinions enough to find them worthy enough to share.
How hypocritical it is for me to say that and to tell people that it’s okay to be themselves when I am not myself.
I do not write poetry
Because it comes from within; it comes from a girl I’ve worked so hard to hide.
It comes from real emotion, and real emotion does not come from loud politics or mean jokes.
I do not write poetry,
So I’ve worked harder on avoiding writing this poem than I did actually writing it.
I’ve worked so hard on not conveying myself that I sat outside for two hours.
I sat outside and begged Walt Whitman to help me. It turns out that nature doesn’t connect you with dead poets.
I’ve worked so hard on not conveying myself that I sat and stared into my oven, waiting for Sylvia Plath to write me a poem. It turns out that a suicide tool doesn’t connect you to dead poets.
But poetry connects you with yourself.
I don’t write poetry
Because in middle school, I was made fun of every day for believing in other people and for being myself and for being nice and caring and confident, so I became who I am today.
I do not write poetry
Because it is easy to act the way I do every single day, but it is not easy to create the raw emotions that make poetry work.
And do not get me wrong, I am comfortable with who I am today because yes I may be outspoken and uptight, overconfident and slightly annoying, and you may think that I take myself too seriously, and I do, and I am, but that’s the point.
Because words cannot get to me if I simply do not care.
And I do not mean to be void of emotion and mean, but I am afraid to care.
Because caring means vulnerability, and I am terrified of being hurt again.
I do not write poetry
Because I know how harmful words can be, but not how beautiful they can be too.
Sometimes I let it show, I try to be the one for everyone
Because you never know who is one person away from being something absolutely amazing.
But when I’m down and nobody is there, I’m reminded why I do not write poetry
Because there is nothing beautiful or poetic about being lonely, about not having anyone…not even yourself.