You wonder why I sit in the corner
out of your lap and out of reach from your hands,
if you were in my place
would you want to be stuck with someone like you?
I have some confessions to make
well they shouldn't be confessions, I’ve made it painfully obvious.
When you talk to me like a baby to get me excited
I jump on you to shut you up.
You yell at me when I pee in the kitchen
thats how I mark my territory.
You dont see me screaming at you when you piss in my watering bowl
do you?
Guess what buddy
you're kind of a hypocrite.
I was born wild, but the collar shows otherwise
you had to restrain me to fit your lifestyle.
When I was teething you had me locked in the cage
so I wouldn’t ruin you ugly boutique rugs.
When I started to shed you locked me out and put me into
your “cute” little dog house you built just for me.
And when I reached puberty what did you do?
You cut off my balls man!
I know we’ve had our arguments but damn man
you really took things out of hand.
You make me your little slave over the only things that give me
any real happiness anymore, demanding that I give you my paw
or roll over. I couldn’t take it anymore, so thats why I choose to run away.
And just incase you get another “best friend” remember you lost me and It was all
Your fault. And don’t tell the kids that I went away to live on a farm,
Your kids are stupid but they aren’t that stupid.
Sincerely, your “Best Friend”