I have known the eyes already, known them all-
The ones that stare down at you and make you feel inferior.
You can see the hate within them,
It burns bright as day.

And I have known the words of those who judge me,
And they say “Why are you this way?”
I have heard them say they love me fewer times than they have judged me
And I am not naïve enough to believe they truly care.

I have used my mouth to cry out to the one I thought was above,
I have cried and asked for help,
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
No answers come, and he’s not the Ones.

And would it have been worth it after all to have stayed this long?
To have stayed strong through all the turmoil of life when it would’ve been so easy to end it?
 
That sharp brush on the pale canvas that helps to make my art,
The paint red, leaving a beautiful indent.
The stinging of the brush letting the paint flow and releasing pain to help me cope,
How easy it would have been to swipe across that canvas and let the paint flow ‘till I am no more.

I grow old and tired and lose hope
But I hold on, saying there’s still time to make decisions.
Time to fix many different wrongs
To heal everything and restore it to how it was.

I have known mornings, evenings, afternoons,
Each faced with a different mood,
When the evening is spread out against the sky,
A time my feelings never hide.
I find myself in the dark of night,
Away from troubles, where I can be myself.

There will be time to murder and create,
For I have many years that still seem to short,
And I know I’ll have to repeat it again.
Maybe next time I can get it right.
Maybe things won’t change after I die.
 
And though I know I believe in Her,
She seems to slip away every day.
She whispers to me
‘Hold on’ or ‘stay strong’
Even though I know she feels this pain too.
 
It’s hard to face this world without them by my side
But that was a simpler time now lost.
I wish I could go back, but no: I must move forward,
Time will not change, not even for me.

I look at the stars or the moon above, and I know they’re watching.
I stay kind-hearted and I love everyone,
Even when I’m scorned by the ones I’m supposed to love.