A young girl patiently waits in her bedroom
in a cold house on Avington where no sound exists,
and nothing but the leaves sway in the cool wind of autumn.
She stares at the blank scratch paper in front of her
that is longing to be finished from a class
she only took because her future required it.
Her mother’s footsteps, softly creaking, tiptoe along the floor
as she walks into her daughter’s room, 
anxiously wishing for great news while
unknowingly holding an envelope that awaits
to bring an end to an incredible dream.

I am the young girl. It’s a problem
being eighteen and having your heart torn
into a million pieces all at once. Soon the envelope
will be opened and the white letter will smell of burning paper
as it is destroyed along with all my hopes and prayers of being accepted.
It will crush my dreams, leaving nothing but defeat and sadness.
I will feel helpless.

Something’s going to happen that I never
saw coming: I have to choose a different journey for me.
Tears streaming down my red cheeks-
Clothes, books, pillows and anything that represents
that now sickening gold and navy flies through the devastated room.
Everything a disaster, not knowing what to do like one of those hurricanes
you hear about on the news that randomly hit and destroy everything in its
making- unaware whose life it’s tearing apart.
I am helpless.  

As many people face pain in their lives,
I’ve never felt so much unhappiness all at once.
So incapable, so powerless, leaving me behind my locked door
as I scream and cry into my drenched pillow for days.
That’s what I did in the face of my helplessness,
wonder why I longed for something so long
when I realized it just wasn’t meant to be.

Something’s happened that I never
saw coming: I chose a new and exciting journey for me.
I can only help but comprehend now that pain
demands to be felt and everything happens for a reason,
even the off white crumpled letter that
will lie in the back of my mind forever and helped
shape me into who I am today.