The friends I’ve had
blowed by with the season’s winds

from friends
to acquaintances
only to speak to them
nevermore

those I believed in
were the biggest disappointments of all
and those I did not take time to fully regard
were like tumbleweeds I simply gazed upon for some time

only once did I fully reject a person all together
you never had a chance
I did not regard you
and more importantly
I did not believe in you

your first hello was my  farewell…

just as our first interaction was
and our first fight
and our first apology
and the second fight and the second apology
and the third
and the fourth
and the fifth
it was always farewell

but apparently you
just don’t understand the cycle of friendship
or the meaning of goodbye
you remain
just as no one else truly did

and you were the one I did not believe in

every time I believed I was rid of you for sure
you’d turn up again
like the subject of math in school
or some silly novel no one seems  to shut up about

when I was sad
you came to get me
you made me forget

how dare you
how dare you handle my feelings properly
when some other nitwit just yaked away about some silly affair
while I mourned my dead dog
or while another fool simply walked away
while I was in the verge of tears
but you
you have the audacity to drop what you’re doing
and show me a good time
it’s quite unheard of
and I find myself

wondering if this is what true friendship is like

to be able to laugh idly
and act like a younger ,far less mature sister
but then
sit quietly and be thoughtful or plaintive
without you minding

it’s an odd thing
to hear you say you trust me
I stay silent when you do
what can I say
when my trust is still behind bars
still wearing shackles

I find myself…..wanting to believe
but there always seems to be a reason to draw back
none of them your crime but someone else’s