Nobody understands what I go through,
Only a few people even have the slightest clue.
My mom doesn't know how much I hurt,
She doesn't understand how much I need her.

I grew up with no affection from my mother,
She never knew had to love her daughters,
I never was read a bedtime story,
I never had my mother kiss me on the cheek,
i never had any of that parenting crap,
just take quick look at me,
you could see that I didn't have the best childhood memory.

While other kids were getting tucked in at night,
I on the other hand stood up all night,
Listening to the horrifying cries of my mother,
Pleading out for someone to help her.
I still can remember the tired lines that were engraved on her face,
I never had any idea why she would scream at night,
I was too young to understand the pain she went through
I was too scared to wake up and realize all the horrifying sights.

While all the other kids would go home and have their mother greet them,
I would go home and get no attention,
I would just see line of white,
Mommy and daddy sniffing it up all night.
But I only thought they were smoking smarties,
Well that’s what they told me,
I was too young to understand,
That mommy and daddy were coke buddies.

I could remember daddy hitting mommy so bad,
I can recall the smell of that fresh blood,
Mommy would never show us what happened,
Before they argued they put us to sleep,
Thinking that we were sleeping peacefully.

But that one night,
The crying was louder,
I heard the muffles of my mother,
I decided to take the chance and take a peak,
I wanted to know why mommy was crying.
I opened the door,
Really slow,
So no-one would know.

And what I saw was horrifying,
And till this day I remember her face,
Right before he threw her down the stairs,
She saw me peeking through my door,
I seen the way her eyes were black,
Her body filled with bruises,
That ran up her back.
The way she looked at me,
Put me in tears,
I didn't know why mommy looked like that,
She was bloody from her head to her toe,
She tried to reach her hand out to me,
She tried to be the mom I wanted her to be,
I stood mesmerized as daddy kicked her,
And she fell to the ground,
Mommy tried to get back up,
But he threw her to the ground.
I didn't know what was happening,
Until he picked her up over his shoulders,
Mommy started to scream,
But then down she went,
BOOM,BOOM,THUD,
CRACKKKKKKK.!!!

It was like I woke up and understand mostly everything,
Understood that a man can hit his wife like it wasn't anything,

But what I still to this day do not understand?
Why does woman feel the urge to go back to the hand,
That hurts them so bad.

They say never bite the hand that feeds you,
But what if that hand was beating you,
Hitting you,
Ripping up your confidence,
And kicking you to the ground.
Do you still not bite?
Even if it feels right?
Tell me what do you do,
When you have to see your mother go through what she had to.

And not be able to help,
Because its her choice to stay,
And now your stuck in the cross fire ,
Stuck between two different worlds,
Wishing and hoping for a shooting star.

here is part of my story,
Please don’t feel bad for me,
I don’t need your sympathy.
I have been through hell and back,
I have been through more stuff than imagined,
At times I fell,
But I got back up,
I am a survivor,
And I am still surviving.