I wish

Sometimes I wish I could once again order a scoop of rainbow sherbet ice cream or the doughnut with the purple sprinkles or the cupcake with the pink frosting without feeling embarrassed.

I wish

Sometimes I wish that I could once again talk about my favorite books without worrying about if they're "too young" for me, and that I could say without shame that I still read Warriors and Sisters Grimm and Junie B. Jones and all my favorites from when I was eight, nine, ten, and eleven because I still enjoy them.

I remember

Sometimes I remember when I could race my friends down the beach and strangers would smile instead of glare, when I could build a sandcastle and have seaweed fights without one of my friends calling me to come and sunbathe, and instead they would be right there beside me.

I remember

Sometimes I remember when going to to pool made the day great, and a getting a smoothie afterward made the day wonderful, when I didn't have to worry about ill-fitting bathing suits and hair and if that boy across the pool is staring at my chest or the kid swimming laps in front of me

I remember

Sometimes I remember when being an "adult" meant doing what I wanted when I wanted, not that once a month I would have to deal with mood swings and cramps and wearing something that feels uncomfortably like a diaper and act like nothing was out of the ordinary, even when all I want to do is fall into bed and sleep

I wish

I wish that, even just for a day, I could have the childish mindset once again. When my biggest worry was if my friend ran faster than me or if I could run and pet that dog

I wish

I wish that maybe just for a day I could order off the children's menu and say what's on my mind without worrying that I'm going to offend someone and have my biggest concern for my clothes be if I can swing from the monkey bars in them

Maybe

Maybe one day I will be able to do those things once again, maybe one day I could order that ice cream, read those books, wear that bathing suit, race that friend, and stay in home in bed once again.

Maybe

Maybe one day I will have the childish mind set once again, where instead of caring about what people think of me and my choices and my actions I only care if they make me happy or not.

Maybe

Maybe I could stand to be even a little bit childish again. Maybe I should stop trying to grow up. Sixteen isn't adult, and it shouldn't be. Because honestly, I'm still a kid.

And maybe, just maybe, I should once again act like one.