Emo.tions | Teen Ink


December 8, 2014
By azurelove GOLD, Columbus, Ohio
azurelove GOLD, Columbus, Ohio
18 articles 3 photos 21 comments

forever is composed of
forgiveness of forgotten
while hate is a feeling we
a passion filled with heat,
not our own
the feelings of the heart
remain without a home
we change constantly
regret to sorrow
the range of emotions
constant yet narrow
deep impulse in or bones
like marrow
impossible to control
to make sterile
we hold no reins to this
internal peril
locked inside us a bursting
so don't hold us accountable
for the unpredictable
for the poetic and the
haunts of life
for the steady lies brought
to light
the maddening moans and
suppressible sighs
here we lie
ruining our lives
the lowered line of the
high flying kite.

The author's comments:

emotions are confusing no?

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This article has 3 comments.

on Dec. 15 2014 at 9:33 pm
Alessandro.V BRONZE, Newport Beach, California
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Your writing is strong, with a shade of chilling, evocative diction and an elegant way of expressing deep sentiments.    You have potential, and I would like to give you some constructive criticism to enhance your innate ability. Your word choice is inconsistent, ranging from superbly selected words to distracting, unrelated, or unnecessary ideas. Your best pieces are terse and simple, yet elegant and potent. Strive not for quantity, but for the quality that is clearly attainable for you. For example, ending a line without finishing an idea is a powerful way to provide emphasis for a single word that serves as its own line. i.e. "'Tis often said, the nearer in blood, the nearer bloody."   You used this technique well, but a few too many times, diluting the ability it has for emphasis, as seen in the first six lines of your piece.    Your grammar has some lapses, but nothing that cannot be quickly mended. Do not forget the power of capital letters and punctuation -- so elementary and basic, yet all too many pieces attempt to transmit a sense of discord, rebellion, youth etc. by purposely ignoring grammar; it is all and well, but only in select pieces. Your poem is terrific, but I think your choice for an omission of punctuation and capitalization actually detracts from your piece.    Forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems yours was an impromptu poem. This produced a raw and intense piece, but it also digressed quickly. Structure can be improved; I missed an overarching message or mood, which if you aimed for, seemed absent. To remedy this tendency, either continue writing short poems such as "cutting", or reflect before you write a lengthier piece. If you focus on a single emotion/opinion/message etc., you are most certainly going to produce something marvelous.   You write very well. I enjoy every piece you produce, (though I comment rarely). I do not mean to discourage you in any way -- I only provide critique to those I think are worth the effort of writing to. Continue your work; I enjoy it immensely.

azurelove GOLD said...
on Dec. 15 2014 at 1:05 pm
azurelove GOLD, Columbus, Ohio
18 articles 3 photos 21 comments

on Dec. 14 2014 at 3:22 pm
ansem_unlimited PLATINUM, Frederick, Maryland
33 articles 0 photos 140 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thou may think of me as desired, to idolize or villanize me whichever you may choose. but gaze upon me and thou sall not see the husk of a man! for all my sins and all my bliss, i am anything but hollow

nice structure & good insight, all around good job