Insomnia- I can't sleep | TeenInk

Insomnia- I can't sleep

November 19, 2014
By Maya Patra BRONZE, Bangalore, Other
Maya Patra BRONZE, Bangalore, Other
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I can’t sleep.
I look up at the ceiling, mentally tracing every shadow, wavering on the white canvas.
I can’t sleep.
Alone in the dark, except for the monsters under my bed and the demons inside my head.
I can’t sleep.
Thoughts sunk in the deepest recesses of my mind submerge.
I can’t sleep.
The clock ticks on in monotone, water drips slowly, a whole lifetime has passed.
I can’t sleep.
I have come to dread sheep. No matter how many I count, there are always more, just when I think I am done.
I can’t sleep.
Am I the only one alive? I screw my eyes shut, willing them to turn leaden, willing myself to unconsciousness.
I can’t sleep.
I turn my pillow over and over, seeking that one cool spot, I will never find.
I can’t sleep.
I get out of bed, only to walk around in a stupor and wearily, helplessly, fall back in.
I can’t sleep.
I go to my “happy” place- my happy place gives me nightmares.
I can’t sleep.
Guilt, regrets, doubts, swirl out of the dimness, I try to remember but the memories are just out of my reach.
I can’t sleep.
I replay conversations in my head, word for word, again and again and again.
I can’t sleep.
I scream until my throat is raw, beat the pillow in frustration and finally, exhausted, submit.
I can’t sleep.
I calm myself. I lie down. I close my eyes, my mind a calm pool- thoughts blossoming like ripples spreading outwards.
My eyelids turn to stone, I drift into the unconscious bliss so many take for granted.
I CAN SLEEP.


The author's comments:

The night is a time when everything is scarier. The coat hanging on your door looks like a person, the trees outside your window look like claws, the cupboard door creaks open slowly and you just cannot sleep. Everything comes back to haunt you and sleep dangles just beyond your reach. This poem reflects on insomnia- and how much sleep is taken for granted.


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