I. rotc contract

your blood is like ice, son, said the doctor.
-Well, they call me someone.
I thought me fine. I must just be numb.

Yes, yes,
From your bones we will make
Fine bludgeoning sticks,
You will get back
What you will get back. 
Just send a signed receipt,

use the fax machine.

-I thought me quite slow to violence, filled with conscience and godgiven guilt.

Yes, yes,
But Everyman’s bones
We can take
And every bone is hard and weapons are easy to make.

-I only long
For my commander's touch.

(my "cold, lonesome heroine")

It is far too not-rough.

II. Alone and stoned in dorm room

I feel, I see nothing
In heavenhell below and above
But worse i see no sea or hill or sun or sky,
Nothing alive,
And there’s an empty in my once rippling mind.
Oh, my. Oh, my (no grief is mine, it comes with time)

Where does the light hide when the world is without shadows?
There is no light, there is no sky and there is no darkness in
The earth or in my mind;
Its muchy worse.
There seems nothing left alive.

-Lets leave,

Where too,
Nowhere to find comfort and hide,
Not a better half in my mind.

III. My dog mourning my life

I was,
I am when alive

I am hungry I am tired

I bark I bite
I f*** I fight

I wake to the light and fall in the night

I run there and that sometimes,
Why?
Why not?
It makes me
Unusually alive.

People come and then they leave.
I delight and despair
And the best even comes to fail.

The dust on the trail makes me sneeze I shower when the rain comes to me.

5 five years feels like fifty and
If I could feel it all again
from birth to a cold drop in the fall
Facing east:

I would say let me sit it out,  sir
I see nothing to chase in backyards, no greythings worth the work in the trees,
I see no face whose memory I can retain.

Just speak
to me,
stretch each syllable,
say how it would have went
and I’ll wag and let you know I hear
and only fixate on the movement of your voice and eyes and hands, sad stranger, sad helper,
who had to wake and rise and fall and die long after I served my time