Everyday I cannot get enough air.

I breathe quickly, attempting to reach for more

My palms start to sweat and all I want to do is go

Somewhere cold

Where I can breathe

Where I can be free

My stomach gets into a knot

I tweak what I’m going to say in my mind

My brain is going a thousand miles a minute.

I get nauseous as the air gets tighter and tighter
And my throat starts to close in

And all I want to do is cry, and for this day to be over.

I go up to the girl right in front of me
And ask in a timid voice,
”May I borrow your ruler?”

Yes, you may laugh,

Yes, it’s stupid

But I have social anxiety

And it is not fun.

Girls at my school chatter

Fifty miles a minute

And I’ll be lucky to get

One word edgewise.

I’m scared what I’ll say is stupid

That they will be just one more group of people

That doesn’t like me

That I don’t ‘click’ with.

They ask why I’m silent.

They worry for two seconds

And then return to their conversation

They do not know how lucky they are.

To speak what is on their minds

To come back with something witty

Something dumb, but it is still

SOMETHING.

Oh, I’ve tried the counselling route,

Believe me.
They really do ask,
”And how does that make you feel?”

And all I can say is that I’m

PISSED.

Because do they really care?

No!

They just want your money

They don’t go home with your grief

I still fear that I’ll never quite fit in

That I’ll never quite be myself

Oh, I do not wish for your pity

Pitying is so worthless.

I just need people to know

That there are people with an invisible disease

You look at me and seen an introvert

While I look at me and see a shy extrovert.

I want to speak my mind

But all that comes out is a squeak

I sweat again and there is a lump in my throat

My mind goes blank.

I did slip into a depressive state

I wondered ‘What is wrong with me?’

‘Why am I different?’

‘Why can’t I be seen?’

I could have ended my life

But I chose to live

Because things get better in the morning

Tomorrow is a fresh start.

You have to do things that scare you

Let your voice be heard

Public speak, act, do your thing

Just don’t sit and mope.

As Karen Carpenter sang:
”Sing, sing a song,
Make it simple to last your whole life long.
Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear,
Just sing, sing a song.”

So what are you waiting for?

Sing your song.