All my life I've wanted different things.
I had different loves and I've dreamt different dreams.
I've never lived out a single life I'd chosen.
And I only now start to see why, then the walls start to close in.

I either try to care more than I do or keep a back at a safe distance, I've confused myself into this lie, my life looks like what it isn't.

I wanted to be an artist so I drew pictures with a blade.
I put them on my wrists so I would know if they would fade.

I dreamt of being a singer so I stayed silent for a year.
I screamed for help but oh so quiet, nobody could hear.

I wonder what I used to want and who I used to be.
I think if I had know this then I would have hated me.

......

The same thoughts circle in my head chasing each other sometimes repeating repeating. Notalwayscoherentorclearorfollowingpatterns.

I try to clear it up inside my head from all these scenes,
but I just can't make any sense of agonizing screams.

I wonder who I used to be and wonder what I dreamed.
This path that I went down is much more ugly than it seemed.