Mixed words and thought flew through my mind as I continued to drink beer and smoke weed that night.

I ended up not thinking to much about it until the next day when I came to the realization I could have lost you forever.

I thought why this was to happen to me again, why I would be put through the same scenario of thinking with no sleep and consciously asking my self questions of how why and what the f*** is going on.

I wanted to just scream into a dark sky and have spaceships come take me away.

I wanted to just throw up every last breath I contained in my lungs and then continue to exhale as my body deflated and I sank to the ground like an air mattress being popped.

I wanted to bleed out and be taken to the same hospital as you just to see your sweet smile one last time before I go. One more glance at those bright blue eyes that when you looked into them you saw a painted pallet of oceans and skies.

I wanted to run my hands across your collar bone and know that every thing would be okay.

But instead.

Silence.