Don’t call me “Baby”.
Do not
not for a shattered shard of a second
automatically assume
that pet names
will please me
please and thank you.

Don’t address me
as you would a canine
because believe it or not
I am not your b****.
And calling me “Baby”
will absolutely positively land you directly in the dog house.

Don’t talk down to me.
Just because you tower six feet over me
does not make you the bigger person.
I don’t know whether it's just me in puppy love
but either way
I sure as hell don’t appreciate
being coddled and chaperoned.

News flash:
You are not the alpha male
because I am not an omega
never have been
never will be.
Treat me as an equal
not part of a pecking order or a pack.

Do call me.
Do talk to me
because there is nothing I would rather do than spend
vast fortunes of time I don’t really have
listening to your secrets and stories
nuzzled in my ear.

Don’t get me wrong:
I will wolf down
each and every word you treat me with.

But don’t
you dare
call me “Baby”.