I remember the day I cut my shoulder
The knife didn't slip or accidentally slash the skin above my blood,
I cut. Deep enough to bleed.
Deep enough to look down, scared.
I did not bring a blade to my flesh because of depression
depression was a underlying cause but I felt like I needed to cut.
Like I was trying to fit in, trying to be cool, that was a major cause
If I did not think I would ever tell anyone about that time a cut I would not have
and that's terrible.
Cutting is terrible in the first place, there are always healthier options, but cutting because of insecurity is one of the worst reasons
I feel cut off from the world.
Like a hot air ballon floating one hundred feet above the ground
I think maybe I cut to try and crash into earth
to be connected to others, to be present.
But that's a lie and my soul knows it.
Cutting never will and never has helped me
The only time I feel connected is when I start working harder
So, I'm going to work harder and trust that, that will bring me back down to Earth.