The whole idea of it makes me shake



my fingers pulsating up, down, up down



more than any amphetamine salt



Too strong of coffee






a medication to life






People tell me its not living but they




have stopped waking up in the morning



they have forgotten rebellion at thirteen



of fifteen—the morning lines on tye-die plates
a dripping nose
a dusted ID card


lost in a forest of choice at sixteen
I still feel the rugged bark of oak
gripping my hand tearing my shirt
to keep me in and finding the compass
at seventeen, the bold arrow
pointing straight forward, tugging
towards a better now

But now i find myself scanning
the next customers item, the 1% milk
sweating as the line grows another person
watching another day end, the empty
parking lot shedding its hue among
empty metal graded shopping carts

Back then I never felt so clear,
in the woods searching for
my path, my camel never tasted so
much like death today
its smoke wrapping its cancer
around my lungs seeping to the sky

It’s time to age another day
Sadness reaps me closer to him
his spiraling DNA strands
embrace me with metal bracelets
thier hooped loops clanking
spelling each outcome
hairline receded and coffee breath
The time has come, more bills to pay