You have no idea, do you? How hard it is for me to stop thinking about you; to stop needing, to stop loving, to stop missing you. The power you hold over me scares me. You have no idea what you do. Sometimes I’m saved by your words, at other times you empty me.

I die every time you say her name.

You say it lovingly as if I do not give enough. You say it with a passion I could only dream about. You say it like I am a burden and she is the sun. You say it like she’s beautiful.

That is how I know: you are smitten, you are gone, I simply do not exist anymore. I disapparate when she enters the room. You do not notice the world around you because it is right there in front of your eyes.

But I’ll always keep you with me. You keep me real, even though I am not to you. I remember you once gave me hope — it is not mine now.

However, in spite of everything, I loved you. I never felt alone. You birthed a part of me who learned to live right.

And if only I could turn back time.

Yet time only moves forward, and with every passing day the oceans between us grow farther and farther apart. Eventually the day will come when you reach the horizon and you can touch the sun as it rises and falls. You deserve the sky, and I clip your wings.

I’m too selfish to do so, but I have to let you go. You deserve it all; but I will never be enough, so she will have to do.