I need to say something.
It narrows down to one simple fact, the idea that not everyone is created equal, but we all come from a whole, even if we don't always believe in it, something had to happen, and the nuances of these events aren't always something to be cherished.
I want to thank you.
For all the sleepless nights, fighting past the calm of the storm, finding feelings of breaking through bedroom walls, cracking windows with bare fists, allowing the glass to wound the wounded.
The days where it didn't matter what happened, I only wanted to wake up alive.
The uncertainty. The insanity. The fact that everyday, I question whether or not I'm going to get hit by a bus, or dropped off in some unknown building, without any sign of rescue. Okay, me, I'm not crazy, it doesn't matter that I'm always doing the same things over again, expecting the same result. I am not the minority. I'm trapped in in someone else's world.
When I dream, there's no such thing as childhood. I haven't experienced each item I'm supposed to, the fear eats away that something will happen is just too much of a risk. But you didn't stop there. Sadism runs deep, just as deep as each laceration, showing my own lack of communication, and I'm certainly not a masochist , at least by your terms.
Sometimes I wonder if I should've lived at all. When you're so caught up in the moment, it kills you, and even then, you're still weak. What may not kill you doesn't make me stronger, and the longer I wait for an answer, the more brain cells get damaged in the process.
So please, spare me the regret, spare me the apologies, spare me everything and anything you want to give to me at this point, because in the end, there is no end, the process continues forward until we're reduced to nothing.
I want to thank you. I only have one more thing to say.
Why?