GONE
That’s how I feel
Like everyone is judging me well,
He deserved it if you ask me, yup every last bit but,
I didn’t
DO I
Wish I could have him back?
Do I
Wonder if it was all just a misunderstanding?
Do I
Pray that I wish be forgiven one day?
Do I
Regret my decision?
Do I
Feel bad for his family?
Do I………..NO!

MY NAME IS
Kyle, I grew up in
Los Vegas, Nevada and her is how my life
Went
MY MOM
Best one
Wouldn’t ask for another
Got me what I wanted,
All ways made me dinner,
Took care of me when I was sick,
Dealt with my drama and attitude, basically picture perfect
MY DAD
Never really liked me
Always questioned what I did
Said I wouldn’t amount to anything.
Guess he was wrong!

DEALING
With my father’s hate
Plus my low self-a-steam
Made me overlooked in school
Ages 12 through 22 I was
Just along for the ride of school
Always made A’s just not friends.
BY 22
I was moved out
Lived with my parents for a while but,


Dealing with my father’s hate hadn’t changed
And,
With no job
With no relationship
With no anything,
He told me I just proved his thought of me
Not amounting to anything.


TIME
Didn’t take long
Got a job, apartment
Everything was perfect
Except my head.
NEVER TOLD
I had mental problems
But, sometimes I thought
I did
But, no one listened.


I THINK
They finally understood
My demons on,
March 5th, 2:30am
THAT DAY
Was one I
Or anyone else will ever
Forget.
DEMONS
I have to do this.
But, I don’t know if I should.
He has caused me so much pain.
Can I really go through with this?
But, I have to.
The put downs stop here!






FEAR
That’s all I saw in his eyes
What am I supposed to do now?
I guess I should hide him but,
What if I get caught?
Who cares the job is
Done.
HIDEING
Is what I have to do now.
Him.
Emotions.
Fear.
Him.
Emotions.
Fear.
Him.
Emotions.
Fear.



WHEN
They came I faked the pain and sadness
Really I was happy,
They came I faked that I had no idea where he was
Really I had the exact location.
ASKING
Questions like,
Where were you?
Did you know him?
Do you know anyone who wanted to hurt him?
At home.
Yes.
No.
FELLINGS
I had where all gone,
The Kyle everyone knew was gone.
I wasn’t quiet anymore,
I wasn’t kind anymore,
I was finally noticed,
Maybe I could finally be something
FINALLY.
THOUGHTS
They didn’t leave
I didn’t want to harm
Again.
But the visions I had kept coming back
Again and again.
The scary felling I had though was,
No felling.
No pain.
No sorrow.
No anything.
THE PAIN
I felt wasn’t for him
But, my head
It hurt
The nightmares.





NIGHTMARES
They were always the same
Same person different night
Same scene different night
Same Monster different name,
KYLE!
THE MONSTER
WAS ME
But, he wasn’t me
He looked like me
But, we looked nothing alike
He shared my thoughts
But, I never thought them
The monster inside me wasn’t real
But, I knew he was always there waiting
To come OUT!





THE PAIN
I had now
Was hiding in me
I don’t know if it’s the real me or, NOT!
But, he is there
He wants to come out
But, I can’t let him
Has he always been there?
Who knows
The decision now is how can he leave, and should he?
IMAGES
Kept reappearing
Like, I had taken a mental picture
Kept coming back again and again
Who knew images could drive you to,
INSANITY.
INSANITY
Images again and again
They won’t stop
Should I accept them?
Just let them come? Like it’s natural?
Should I neglect them?
Pretend they’re not there
But, they are so surreal
Why me, why me, why me?
Why am I punishing myself?
I punished him but, I shouldn’t be punished
After all it was the right thing to do
Wasn’t it?
QUESTIONING
Everything I thought was right
I thought he deserved it but,
He did
I thought life would be better but,
It is
I thought my thoughts would stop but,
They’ve only gotten worse.





REAL
They feel so real
They won’t stop
So vivid
Like I’m really in the scene
Again
The fear on his face gets
Worse and worse after,
Every NIGHTMARE
ARE THEY
Nightmares
Dreams or just
Reality
Honestly I can’t tell
Anymore.
VOCIES
In my head
Some of them want me to
Confess
Some of them want me to accept my
Murderous ways
WHAT IF
I could just make them
STOP
My life went back to normal
Mt demons and voices just
STOPED
REALIZING
How to make them stop
how it all could end
That maybe I was just
Wrong.
STRUGGLING
To stay awake
Can’t go to sleep
I know that if I do they are
Just going to get
More vivid, more real, and bring me
More pain.



FAKE
The emotions you see
The pain I feel
The answers to the questions
The life I am living
I feel like I am living a lie
Since that day.
LIEIING
To myself
To my mother
To the cops
Myself.
Mother.
Cops.
Myself.
Mother.
Cops.
Everyone.

HAVE YOU
Ever felt like your living a
LIE
Ever felt like in a nightmare and, can’t
WAKE UP
Ever felt like your world is coming
UNWOUND
Ever felt like you just want it to
END
I have
Every day since
March 5th.
ID LIE
If you told you
I’m fine I’m not crazy
If some days that I don’t feel bad
if maybe I should just confess
If I could stop and get help but,
I never will.


ALWAYS WANTED
To belong
But, I never had a friend
To be the best
But, could never do anything
To be heard
But, I never got taken seriously
To be known in the world
The only wish that came true.
IM DONE
With my lies
With my pain
With my demons
With my voices
With my nightmares
With my re-living
With my life
With living



IF
I could take my decision back
I wouldn’t
If I could stop having my nightmares and visions
I wouldn’t
If I could tell the truth and confess
I wouldn’t
If I could kill my demons
I wouldn’t
If I could go back to a normal life
I wouldn’t
WHY
You ask
Simply because,
Killing my demons would only make them
Stronger
Having him back would only make him
Angrier
I’m trapped in this web I’ve spun
Lost in my own sea of lies

LASTLY















a
I’ve loved
I’ve lost















s
I’ve won
I’ve died inside and out









u
I’ve cried















c
I’ve killed















i
I’ve wondered why?











e
I’ve been trapped












d
I’ve been freed
I’ve questioned my thoughts








n
I’ve been lost













o
I’ve lived my life
I’ve been hurt














t
I’ve done everything but, say
Goodbye
So...
GOODBYE
















e











X Kyle MARTIN