I could see them inspecting the bus as I pretended to be asleep.
“Haste el dormido mijo” My mom kept saying.
She seemed afraid. It was like I could read her mind. I did what she told me. They looked mad, tall, with their eyes wandering around like scavengers looking for food. They looked nice their uniform, green, neat, and ironed. “Their wives really must care about them” I thought. They kept walking up and down the bus asking for papers and screaming at people that refused to show them papers or people that didn’t have them with them, just like us. Keeping my eyes closed, I didn’t know if I was actually falling asleep or if I was just pretending to be asleep. My mom held my hand as I peeked through the side of my eyes; they were so close to us I could hear them like trombones at a fair, her hands felt heavy against my weak arm. I was hungry. They didn’t check us. They thought we were actually asleep. For once someone seemed to care about us. That’s what I thought.
The wheels kept moving. With my eyes closed I began to count sheep. A couple of hours later I was awoken up by my mom pulling my arm. She was trying to take me with her. Restless I dragged myself towards her. They had us, trapped like dogs we were surrounded. Those men in green kept pushing my mother out of the bus. My eyes began to tear as I walked behind my mother. Wondering where they were going to take us, I started to breath heavy. I was finally able to calm down as they made us sit in a dusty room. We were given a banana. It was half dark and the rest looked good.
“Do we look like dogs?” I asked myself.
Those men pulled my mother aside. My eyes wandering around and my mind asking me what were they asking her.
“Are we there yet? What’s Texas? Is that place different or is it like heaven like my mom would describe it?” I asked myself way too many questions, but I had no one to answer them for me. Long hours later, they released us, telling us to go back to Guatemala.
“Guatemala?” I thought.
We weren’t even from that place. Apparently to my mom, she would do what she was asked.
Two nights later, I began to notice the same trees in the same place and the road looked familiar. We were going back. I didn’t want to think about it. Frightened, my heart skipped a beat as I saw the men in green again. This time they didn’t stop the bus packed with people. They probably thought we were workers. We weren’t. The road didn’t seem to end. My butt was hurting from being in a seat for hours. I was just waiting to get to that place so called ‘Texas”; didn’t realize we weren’t even halfway there. My mom looked exhausted. She looked as if she was holding a bag of green beans under her eyes. Many nights riding the bus, I saw a long river. The river looked calm. Flooding flat, I was able to spot a man with a black wheel on the other side of the river.
“Quitate la ropa,” my mom ordered.
I did exactly that. The only thing on me was my underwear. I was too young to realize we were actually going to cross the river. It was freezing. Stepping into the water, my shivering got worse. It felt like if I was in a freezer. The three children of that strong woman held tight onto that big fat wheel. My sister and brother were next to me. I saw my soul come out of me halfway across the river as one of my sister’s hands slipped off the wheel. The water wanted her body that night. Were blessed to still hear her soft voice shiver as she got out of the water. I had a taste of life. We were finally on the other side. Safe and sound we crossed.
Minutes later we saw a big cop truck trying to stop us. We all began to run like wild dogs. I became frightened again. Cold and restless we hid under some big green bushes. With guns staring at us, the men in navy blue pulled us out of the green bushes. They were different this time. They held us in a room for a night and a day. Miracles do happen. We were released. The men in navy blue dropped us off at a restaurant still named The Lunch Box. That was the day we first set foot on concrete. It felt hard. My actual home was surrounded by dirt, hard dirt.
A couple of days later; reality began to wake me up. Huge tall buildings would rise up into the sky. Birds flew by with such calmness. The so called ‘Texas’ was different. I felt different. I was little and my life was about to have a new beginning.
Three weeks later, I was wearing a white shirt, blue pants and I had a backpack over my shoulders. I was introduced to a class full of kids. Some were black, and some had white skin. I noticed there were more girls than boys. The teacher finished her sentences and asked to sit in the middle. The kids’ looked at me as if I was some kind of creature. She was beautiful, tall, and skinny, she looked flawless. She began to talk in some weird language I had never heard before. I was in school. A place I had never been. That day was long. They fed us; all marching like soldiers, we headed to the same room. I remember all I wanted to do was to go home. I wanted to know how my sister was doing, or if my brother was okay. Remembering all the terror, my eyes began to shed tears. That beautiful lady saw me crying and approached me. Minutes later, her kind words made me feel safe. I felt that mother comfort in her.
Those days were the hardest; I realized I was on a journey to discover who I was. Every night I became more aware I was blessed.