I remember grade six was a bad year for me.
It’s when the teachers got cruel,
And the kids got crueler.
I remember wanting to be a leader,
To have people really listen to me.
I remember wanting control,
Because what can you control,
If not your own life?
I tried to be impressive,
To do what was expected of me,
And not what I wanted to do.
My voice was stolen from me,
And given to others,
So they could put words into my mouth.
Words that could never be taken back,
Even if they were ‘just joking’.
I remember realizing that I did have power,
And that I could easily control,
And affect other people’s lives.
I realized I could change the way people thought of me,
And how they thought of others,
Or themselves,
And that’s when I became a master manipulator,
Because I told people what they wanted to hear,
Because they, no matter what, couldn't seem to see the truth.
They could only accept what they imagined,
And left nothing to the imagination.
I always thought,
“What’s the point when the truth doesn’t change anything?”
Except the way people think of you.
But they still don’t want to see it.
They would refuse to see the truth,
Even if it was a thousand pound elephant,
Sitting right under their noses.
I guess that’s how I felt,
Like I was a giant elephant in the room.
I remember feeling like the floor would crack,
And give way under the weight of my embarrassment
And leave me breathless,
And buried in a nest of lies,
Crafted by the one person I thought I could trust.
As it turns out,
That person didn’t stay around much longer,
And that’s okay because from this day on,
I can,
And will choose to remember the good memories she brought,
And I will not give any bad times the power to change what I remember.