It’s amazing what a difference
your life is made
by those things you don’t yet know
or understand or remember.

So much more of a difference
than what you do know
or at least
what you think you know.

Many people think it would be fun
to live in a life full of mystery
a life of the unknown
it’s not. really. it’s not at all

My heart aches every night
knowing that some of my memories
probably aren’t true.
Then again, I’m don’t know if I’m knowing.

I don’t know what from my past is true,
what is fake.
I don’t know which memories are real;
which are false.

Was that apple tree in the backyard real?
How about that TV show?
What about that school, neighbor, lollipop, radio
Was any of it real?

And it hurts, knowing that the only thing you know
is that five, almost six years of your life
was taken away, stolen, kept and hidden
by a woman who isn’t even there for you.

knowing that that woman...
that woman is supposed to be your mother
and, yet, she doesn’t bother to call,
visit, send birthday presents, cards

And, yet…and, yet
She probably doesn’t even remember
what my face looks like,
how I smile, laugh, what my birthday is, how old I am.

That makes me realize
that I’m not the only one
with missing memories
or an empty heart.

I’m not the only one
who probably doesn’t remember
half of what happened those five years.
I’m not alone; she’s here

In this empty place

But, in way,
I think I wish I was alone.
Do I really wish for something-someone back
that has never helped me at all?

Why would I want
to know something
that just brings me to shame
tears, anger, pain?

And I guess that helps.
Knowing just that one thing
knowing what lies unknown
is better off lying unknown.

Because, If I knew everything
everything that happened
I don’t think I would be proud
I believe I would be lost

So, yeah, I think…
I think those memories are better off lying,
buried somewhere deep with those lost years
Waiting only for me to dig them up when I want to.

I don’t think I want to dig them up, though.
It would just be better to let them rot
because something that can hurt you
is probably best left unknown

So…
I’ll just let them rest there
Buried,
Lying unknown forevermore.