cigarettes and coffee at 3 in the morning. the thoughts of you keeping me awake and aware. of course i'm not fully awake in which i can taste the alcohol in the bitterness of my coffee when it should've been sugar. but maybe i just don't care anymore.

i push the coffee away for the smell reminds me of the old days where it was only you and i in our apartment. sharing laughs and thoughts. smiles and pain. love and hate.
it was only a matter of time before you ran away.

it wasn't your fault though. if i can run away from myself i would gladly accept it. but...it's hard to understand when you were the one who told me that through thick and thin our love will never fade away. i inhaled the toxic cigarette once more, afraid of my thoughts.

i guess i'm just too much to handle. trusting others is a mistake i keep repeating and it's certainly getting me nowhere in life. those memories of you were nice. sweet. innocent. but i guess i'm comfortable with my 3 am coffee and cigarettes life without you.

{s.s}