I’m beginning to think I’ve lost something
important.

Before, when life was less twisted,
I would feel real.
Action with purpose, sadness with meaning,
and happiness – yes, I felt happiness.

I worked hard to achieve
the things I though were important,
or at least the things I was told were important.

They said; “Be smarter,
faster,
better.
Work hard and you will succeed.”

So I worked,
endlessly, day and night.
They said; “Be focused, determined.
Kids who work get what they deserve.”

So I worked,
until my insides cracked and bled,
until the joy rose and fled my soul,
until I forgot the definition of being.

I retreated into myself,
a lonely shadow wrapped up in sorrow.

Still, I worked.

Then cold, hard reality hit me like a freight train,
and shattered the illusion.
There are people who are smarter,
faster,
better.
and they aren’t me.

Funny, how it all seems so ordinary
when you look at yourself through the glass.
Comical almost, how the pomp and circumstance,
the endless cycle,
ceased the minute I lifted my head.

We're all afraid of not being enough,
But the reality is
we're already more than enough.

I may not be the smartest,
fastest,
best.

But now I can hear the ocean.
I can feel the sun.
And I can taste the world.

They said; “You failed us.”
I replied; “I’ve won.”