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Perfect
December 13, 2013
she sits and smiles
and smiles and sits and
nods her head and
tries to ignore the blood
leaking from her
fingertips.
drops of red rain.
© Kimberly C., Houston, TX
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This article has 2 comments.
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 7 2014 at 1:28 pm
My biggest critic would be to get rid of the unnecessary words. If you are going for a short and sweet poem then cut out any word that isn't necessary. Once you do that I would rearrange the lines. For example: She sits
smiles
smiles
sits
nods her head
ignores
blood
from
her fingertips
drops of red
rain Just a visual of what I was thinking.
I really like the simplicity of this poem and it took me a few times, but I think I get what you were trying to say.
smiles
smiles
sits
nods her head
ignores
blood
from
her fingertips
drops of red
rain Just a visual of what I was thinking.
I really like the simplicity of this poem and it took me a few times, but I think I get what you were trying to say.
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